Like You Mean It

Everything is like I mean it. Even if I don’t mean to do it.

ADHD isn’t about a lack of concentration, but rather how focus ebbs and flows, often redirecting itself to something unexpected. It’s about starting a task, then finding yourself, 15 minutes later, deep in the research for a new supplement—comparing, cross-referencing, and ordering. The challenge isn’t in hyper-focusing, but in doing so on something other than the original task. That intense rabbit hole can be productive in its own right, but by the time you’re done, it feels like a whole day has slipped by.

The whirlwind of focus can lead to frustration because, while something gets accomplished, it often wasn’t what you set out to do. You return to work, but your energy and momentum are now somewhere else entirely.

And now, instead of getting back to the work that pays me—very directly for doing it—I’m starting a blog about who knows what. In the process, I found an old Gmail address I’d started at least four years ago, and now it’s my blog site name. Full circle. The conception, and four years later, the birth. My god, that was a world-record “dolphining” ADHD moment, if I might say so myself.

Welcome to the mental vomit that is me.